Luckily, Tabitha was home with me when he called….by the time I got off the phone with him, she was crying just as hard as I was. Everything was gone! All our future plans, all my hopes and dreams of our life together…everything was gone. Oh, and have I mentioned the fact I’m unemployed, dogless, and soon to be homeless? My job may not have been my “dream” job, but it more than paid my bills and it gave me a sense of security…gone. In just one instant, it was all gone…done…over…caput!
This happened on a Sunday night. Monday morning, I had to be on a plane to Florida to visit my parents to “say goodbye before I went overseas”. I somehow made it to the airport and held myself together. I got all checked in. I decided to stop in the bathroom before going through security and a funny thing happened. As soon as I sat down on the toilet (with the paper toilet seat cover, of course), I lost it. I started crying…hard. I couldn’t stop. I cried and cried and cried. I called one of my girlfriends and told her what had happened. She helped me calm down so that I could make it through security. Luckily, I had the forethought to throw my bottle of Valium in my purse before I left the house and took one of those (they were left over from when E broke up with me in March and I held on to them for times of extreme stress & anxiety).
I made it through security and sat down at the gate. My phone rang…I just remember that the seating area was packed with people and I was this hysterical woman sitting amongst them talking on the phone. I’m sure they were all staring at me and listening to my conversation. By the end of my conversation, I knew the valium I took wasn’t helping much, so I decided to go buy a bagel, a cup of tea and take another valium. By the time they both pills hit me I was on the plane. Well, let’s just say, I don’t even remember the plane taking off and the next thing I knew, we were landing in Florida! I woke up and my iPod was sitting in my lap – I never even put my earphones in because I think I passed out!!
My sister, A, was meeting me in Florida – thank God! I needed her. Of course, my parents would help me, but my mother is 82 and my dad is 85 and has Alzheimer’s. I have to admit, I was so grateful to not be at home…to be away in a completely different atmosphere. It couldn’t have been planned any better.
Being in Florida…being away, helped a lot. I spent most of the week on valium, sometimes mixed with a little wine…but for the most part, it was a great distraction and I was able to hold it together. It gave me 5 days of not having to think about what I’m going to do now. I decided that could wait until after I got back home…for that week I was just going to be.
My 3 Angel Miracles
I had 3 incredible experiences while I was in Florida that the angels gave to me to let me know that they were with me.
1. At the airport when I was about to leave the bathroom, I asked my angels to please be with me and give me strength! When I was sitting at the gate crying on the phone, a middle aged man sat down next to me. He had a back pack that had pins or "flare" all over it – military insignia’s and things like that. But right on top, in the middle of all these pins was an angel pin. I knew that was my angels letting me know they were there. It brought me comfort. When I got off the phone I looked at him and apologized for the crying (only because I knew it had to be uncomfortable for people to be around me)…he offered me a Kleenex…I thanked him and told him I had my own. When I composed myself a little bit more, I looked at him and told him that I noticed his angel pin on his back pack and that it made a difference…I really needed to see it at that moment and I thanked him. Without hesitation, he reached down and took it off his pack and gave it to me. This simple act of kindness touched me – it still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it. I think he was an angel too.
2. My sister and I had talked about bringing our walking shoes and going to the beach and walking each morning (Gulf of Mexico). That went out the door for me as soon as E broke up with me. But after my experience in Hawaii, I know how healing and cleansing the salt water is, so I brought my bathing suit. On Tuesday morning I told A, that I still wanted to go to the beach, but I was going in the water – she still walked. On our way to the beach, I prayed that the “mermaids & dolphins” would meet me at the beach to help heal me and take away some of my pain. We pulled in the parking lot and were facing the beach and I looked out over the water, it looked so beautiful and I couldn’t wait to get in it. By the time we walked on the beach people were pointing out to the water….the dolphins had just showed up!!! They came!! I asked them to come and they did!!
3. Wednesday I decided to try to make it through the day without valium. It was a constant battle to keep from falling apart. I could feel the anxiety and panic building, but I knew my parents would freak out if I had an anxiety attack in front of them. On our way to lunch I prayed…a lot. I asked my angels to give me a clear sign that they were with me. We got to the restaurant and when were seated, I was facing the door. When we walked in the front door of the restaurant I somehow didn’t see this 5 foot statue of an angel! I sat there looking at it in total disbelief, but also with deep gratitude. Once again – they gave me a clear sign that they are always with me!
I have so much more I have to write about this whole subject….so many thoughts, but I’m afraid this post will go on and on for way to long, so I’m going to split it up and do multiple posts. So, this is just Part I…stay tuned for more to come.
Namaste,
Carol
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